No complains. No demands

Paperback Storyteller - No complains. No demands

Paperback Storyteller - No complains. No demands
Paperback Storyteller - No complains. No demands

‘’No complains. No demands. ‘’
This was my motto from the day I started my journey with you because I knew you would never give me a chance to complain nor do I have to want something from you other than your presence in my life which you ensured was as definite as our love and today I haven’t sat to write about piles of complains or barrels of demands. I have simply sat today to write because sometimes life becomes unfair but no matter how unreasonable it becomes, I know that you love me.

I have never let anyone break all the walls that I have built around me the way I have let you. You probably know me more than all my friends ever have. You know how I am still not allowed to go out randomly to meet my friends, how clingy I am with my mom, how my mom still takes me to do my coaching classes at times thinking something bad might happen to me, how I can’t meet you whenever you want me to. You know it all and you still decided to stay with me. Don’t I feel lucky? Yes, I do. I feel like the most luckiest person on Earth because I know no one else would accept it and stay with me without meeting me days in a world where couples meet every day and go on vacations together. I know it is hard for you to be around all the lovely couples, holding hands, seeing each other, being with each other whereas you and I? We don’t even live in their world. I know it makes you jealous and probably angry at times but you never really said anything to me. I feel terrible about it and pathetic about myself. I never meant things to be this way. I want to give you all the happiness in the world. You know why? Because I know that you love me.

You stay so busy these days. You have your University classes and then at night, you are so very tired. You can’t give me time. We don’t talk like we used to. Actually we barely do. I know I said I won’t have any demands but on some nights I break my own rule. Even after knowing how tired you are and can’t talk to me, tears still roll down my cheeks and my pillow gets wet. Stupid expectations come into my way. I think maybe just maybe you have forgotten me in the process of meeting new people every day. Maybe I am just an idea you love now. Maybe I will fade away soon. Maybe things have changed way more than I have thought it would. Maybe I am losing you. Maybe one day you will forget to miss me and then the next day I will be gone from your mind. Distance is a terrible thing I must say. I have spent a countless number of nights thinking all these and lost hours of sleep. I feel sick to my stomach when these thoughts strike and I cry myself to sleep and trust me I try my level best to stop these thoughts from coming but I can’t stop them. The next day I make up my mind and somewhat my heart. I take my mind to my memory lane and give a flashback of all those precious times we had spent together and all those promises we both made to each other. It works wonder. The burden on my heart becomes lighter and I survive the day. You know why I am able to survive? Because I know that you love me.

Maybe it is the time that isn’t working well for us or maybe it is actually the distance that is drifting things apart. Whatever it is I just know I don’t want to lose you in the expectation of getting something better and regretting my decision after 5 years. You have given me more than enough but for the times I break my rule, please don’t leave me alone at those times. I need you to tell me that you are there and my existence didn’t fade away from your life. You don’t know how idiotic these small expectations can get. I don’t want to be vulnerable and lose you for life. You know why? Because I know that you love me.

I know how easily I say that if you aren’t happy with me then I won’t stop you from staying with me but it hurts so much inside while saying it because you are the hope of having something that is worth in the future. I know I am not being able to give everything that you deserve because you deserve the best but I promise to make everything up to you one day. You know why? Because I love you, Idiot!

-From the girl you love

Photo by Arte Madness


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